5 ways to turn guilt and shame into fuel for your breakthrough
5 ways to turn your shame, guilt, and hopelessness into the fuel to get out of your rut, move on from pain, and make lasting change in your life.
Snooze button blues.
How many times do you hit it every morning?
Mine was 5-6 times. And it landed me in a state of panic the rest of the day because I had to run out of the house to work.
I thought it was because I was tired, but it was actually because I literally felt like there was no reason for me to get out of bed.
I would roll over and lay there staring at the wall for 45 minutes wide awake.
Then it dawned on me the reason….
I was feeling shame and guilt for my entire life. I had no motivation to get up...
I felt I had no direction and no chance for a better life.
For years I wallowed in this place, but I finally got out by using the pain itself as the motivation to build a life I was proud of.
Here are 5 ways to turn guilt and shame into fuel for transformation and your future.
1. Look at your past
The only way you can fix something is to look face it head-on. Look at all of your past as neutrally as you can. Focus and analyze the things that trigger the most guilt and shame. Identify what you did, and what others did for that particular outcome. Forgive yourself and all others involved.
By forgiving the source of your shame, you can finally work on healing your confidence and strength. Healing shame and guilt from the past is the first step because it is the one that lets you know that you can change and do better next time. This healing is the green light to your subconscious that you are no longer the same and you can be a better version of yourself. You will finally have the key to lasting change.
This is also important because you have to know your past to not repeat it. By acknowledging what happened and realizing you can move on, you break the cycle of pain. You will be motivated to make your next chapter in life better than the last one.
2. Look at your role models
There are millions of people that have done this before you. They had the odds against them on every level and still managed to succeed. What makes them different from you? In their words: nothing.
All of them say they committed to their vision, planned, and figured out the rest along the way. Mark Cuban says in every interview that, "success always leaves clues." Studying the stories of others is not just about inspiration, but about learning lessons in reasoning, discretion, and decision making. Those priceless skills will change how you approach your future and take action. You will see their pain, how they got over it, and how they used the wisdom to take action and grow.
Those who have what you want are the best teachers. Theory and study are great, but first-hand experience is the badge of true mastery. Books are a great resource, but I would also recommend watching interviews and podcasts also. Seeing stories of those who made it will get you out of your rut with the inspiration and practical mental skills to change your life.
3. Deserve and experience your desire
When a dream is so big, sometimes it feels like it’s not meant for you. You don’t believe you deserve it. Shifting to a deserving mentality will get you to start looking at the past as a stepping stone to the victory you deserve. With that outlook, your past will turn from a wound into a fire to burn down every obstacle in your path.
These are many of two ways to internalize your deserving:
Every morning write down 3 things you want (for today or the long term). Then write 5-6 reasons why you deserve each one.
Close your eyes and visualize yourself having what you want. Bring in all the sensory details that you can to make it feel real. Do this for 1-5 minutes 1-2 times a day.
By believing you deserve your wildest fantasy, you will actually begin to morph your self-identity. When your identity changes, you will begin to see your current guilt and shame as an opportunity for a personal victory. You will find yourself transforming the pain of your past into wisdom for the next stage in your life.
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4. Seeing value in little steps
It’s a slippery slope sometimes. It just seems like everything in your life is horrible and meaningless. Everyone feels like this at some point. But how do you get out of the mud and onto your feet? Take small and consistent actions every day that amount to big changes.
Taking everyday action is the best thing you can do to skyrocket your confidence and fix your self-identity. With small daily actions, you are holding yourself accountable and responsible and actually benefiting from it. Because your actions are consistent and beneficial, you will feel confident enough to imagine yourself doing more. You will feel you can apply your skills to other areas to change your life on a grander scale.
The everyday actions to take will vary according to your needs. Think of things that are not destructive but provide immediate comfort, and add on more over time.
Things that have helped me in the past are:
Consistent exercise, nothing intense
Taking a bath when I feel like it
Gratitude journaling every day
Taking breaks in between my work
Planning time to relax in the morning
Putting buffer time in my schedule so I’m not rushing 24/7
Adjusting food habits with moderation instead of cold turkey
Notice a trend here? These actions are about self-care. You know why?
If you are consistent and committed to taking care of yourself,
you are proving that you can take care of any business
or achieve any dream you want.
5. Drop others’ beliefs and judgments
I’m sure they mean well, but they don’t know your future. Only you know your path and no one, not even a loved one, should be able to change your mind. This does not mean you block out everyone’s opinion, but don’t let others put their limiting beliefs onto you.
This is important because if you reflect, you’ll find that most of the beliefs holding you back did not even come from you. They often came from family members or societal constructs. Those beliefs might be justified for someone else, but they don't have to be for you. You need to leave that baggage of guilt, shame, and limiting beliefs behind. It’s not yours.
That goes not only for the past but also the present. People will try to dethrone you from your dreams because they themselves are stuck. Because they cannot make the transformational leap, they will try to stop you from yours. This where you have to listen to your inner knowing and disregard them. You can love them but agree to disagree and leave them behind.
If something someone said in the past causes you shame today, forgive them. They did not, and do not know the power you possess. If someone is treating you badly because you are committed to your goals, forgive them. They are in pain about their past choices and clearly don't have the strength to confront them.
The times you have let others stop you from your greatness in the past are the reason you deserve it! Prove them wrong!
Conclusion
In the words of Napoleon Hill:
“Your biggest opportunity may be where you are now.”
I hope the above ways help you move on from your guilt and shame and transform yourself.
Believe in your future and create a legacy you can be proud of.
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