3 Real-World Questions you must ask before a long term friendship
The ballsy questions you need to ask to decide if a friendship is worth your time.
*Gulp* Socializing.
As your sister wading in the ocean of anxiety, I totally get it.
You’re looking for someone that fits with you and makes you feel less alone.
Friendship is a totally amazing and wonderful thing
Completely understandable. But you cannot accept just anyone who pops into your DM, swipes on Tinder, or comments under your social media posts.
Just because they made the jump first to speak to you, does not mean that they are worthy of your time. Friendships are about balanced give and take for companionship and inner growth.
You don’t have to be with people you don’t like just to have friends…..
You don’t eat food off the ground just because it’s free food right?
Here are three real-world questions to ask someone before you ever decide on a long term friendship.
How do they spend their free-time?
How someone spends their time by themselves is an indicator of how they will try to spend time with you. A person that often spends their free-time doing nothing or doing self destructive things is more likely to try to pull you into that vicious cycle. This does not mean that they are being malicious or jealous of you, but it does show where they are at the time.
There is nothing wrong with relaxing, letting go, and letting it all hang out sometimes. But when things are excessive, it is a sign that the inner world is in turmoil. Since friendships work by connecting on the same level they will either level up to you, or slip you down to them.
Combos to watch out for
Watch TV/Hulu/Netflix: The spectator
They have no vision for the future and are looking away from their present.
They will try to get you to forget your future and the precious nature of time.
Drinking: The Forgetter
They are in pain and are trying to escape from either trauma or present pain.
They will convince you of how you will have “more fun” by drinking and others will like you more.
Gossiping: The Publicist
They don’t want to look at themselves, so they drown themselves in other people’s garbage.
They will get you to focus on everyone else, and cause you to loose focus on yourself.
Grinding: The Leader
They have a vision, and they are taking action to insure it comes true. They know how to have fun, but they value you just like they value themselves.
They help you become who you want to be, see your vision clearly, and give encouragement.
How do they view friendships?
This is important because it shows how they will relate to you in the long term. This starts when you’re young and is crafted within your household, income, and demographic background. A rocky friendship is on the horizon if this concept is not felt out or established.
The types of friendships are just like science in class.
Competition
These are the frenemies. You laugh in each other’s face and silently hate each other.
These people will talk and act nice to your face…. and then lie, cheat, or steal from you in order to “get” a desired result. That could be for their own self gratification or secrets/information for someone else.
Decision: Hell no.
Mutualism
These are the friendships where you both give equal value to each other in companionship and understanding. You all have healthy boundaries, respect each other’s time, and both contribute to the conversations and connection you all have.
Decision: Absolutely.
Parasitism
These are the friendships where someone is taking another person’s energy in order for them to feel whole. Common traits here are people wanting you on call 24/7, wanting all your time, and making your life about pleasing them. This can be an overly needy person who guilts you into railroading your life for them by calling you a bad person. This can also be the narcissist who manipulates your mind and identity with intense emotional highs and lows.
Decision: Get the f*** out.
Like this take?
I got lots more advice, training, and events for us Millennials to slay and live fearlessly.
How do, or did, you connect with them?
FBI and CIA agents have training on how to figure someone out in 5-10 minutes. Some of these are trade secrets, but most of it is actually just about paying attention. As 1,000 things are constantly trying to grab your attention, I’m not going to lie, it does take some effort to notice the details about people. But the payoff for this is priceless.
If you pay attention to the details of the first and second time you meet someone, you will figure out alot about not only who they are but how they view you. From here you can identify the core reason for you all’s connection and friendship. This can also apply with someone you have known for years. Looking at the details of your recent interactions works just as good.
The question here is:
Is my connection with this person a benefit or a hindrance to me?
6 questions to help
What was the first thing you all talked and connected about? *first impressions*
What does their face/voice do when they talk to you? *shows their views and feelings*
What do you talk about most of the time? *empowering or disempowering things*
How do they react to differences between you two? *shows respect level*
How do they react to being wrong about anything? *shows love and forgiveness*
How does this person view their own future, and ours as friends? *shows their intentions with you*
From here you for sure will be able to gather enough information to answer the main question above.
Conclusion
This blog post is not to incriminate anyone or say anyone is toxic. It’s just a look at a reality that we shy away from.
Also this is not to say that someone cannot change and choose better for themselves. Your friendship might be the thing that pulls them from being stuck. Because of you, they might develop themselves to be an active participant in life and blossom into their destiny.
No matter what your decision… keep this in mind.
You cannot save them.
You cannot make their choices for them.
After this post, I hope you have clarity on what to look for in a friend, as well as gain clarity with your existing friendships.
Happy socializing!
Training, Summits, Cheat Codes, and kind words to cut through outdated BS.
Flourish as the millennial you are here.
Comments