3 truths to love someone through an emotional crisis
Three sacred truths to keep you honest and calm while showing compassion to a partner, friend, or relative, going through an emotional healing or life-crisis.
You and I know life can hit like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes you never see it coming and it hits right where it hurts.
This pain causes your whole perspective to change. From there you often face to face with the traumas and feelings you’d buried years ago. This is a normal part of life as well as the healing process.
When you are in a relationship with someone going through this, it can also be a little hard on you as well. Sometimes it is hard to give them their space to work through things because you want to help. And it’s even harder when every time you try to go out of your way to help, they get mad at you.
This post will go over three truths and rules to stay calm and love your partner through their inner healing process.
Also, note that these rules do not apply to just romantic relationships. You can also use these for family members and friends who are going through an emotional transition period also.
1) Accept that the other person as their own choices
In a relationship, it can feel as if you all are two parts of the same person. While this might feel true, it’s still not. Each one of you has hopes, dreams, and needs that are different from the other. These can lead to you all making different decisions about certain aspects of your life.
Even if you see the other person doing something that you don’t agree with, you have to accept that it is their choice to make and love them anyway. You can bring the bad thing to their attention and if they choose not to change, and it’s not hurting you, you can accept their right to choose. You can want the best for them, but it is not your decision.
As a rule, other people’s inner life views and morals should not affect you. An example is if you are in an abundance mindset and your partner is in a lack-based mindset. Even if the other person feels everything is against them and they have to struggle, you have to step into love and accept them where they are. They are probably doing the best they can to keep it together after a scarred past.
Example:
You’re vegan and your partner is not
Do: Accept that it is your partner’s choice. They will have to live with the consequences, not you.
Don’t: Say that they are going to die if they eat that every day and talk about how disgusting they are.
2) Accept that you don’t have to know everything
This is important because even in a relationship, you really never know what someone is going through. Some subjects are very painful and hard for people to admit to themselves, let alone their partner. When you see your partner going through a flurry of emotions for a while before you react take a chance to observe. Oftentimes their emotions have to do with a personal storm they are going through. After this observation, realize that it is not you and approach them with compassion.
Men especially never like to admit when they are going through emotional shifts and changes. Society has done a great job of making them diminish and not release their feelings. Most times they will not tell you what’s wrong, but if you watch, you will see it. Having unconditional love and patience is the only way for you to have peace and let them work through their own trauma.
You can’t solve everything for your partner. I’m sorry but you can’t. Some feelings, traumas, and wounds have to be addressed from within. The only thing you can do is be there for them through that difficult time. Even while you are there for them, sometimes they will need their space. Just relax and know this is ok. It does not mean they don’t love you, they just are in a bad headspace right now...
Example:
Your partner just got fired from their job and doesn’t know how to make a living
Do: Be there when they need you, but give them a little space to work out their emotions on their own. Don’t reflect their attitude, just approach them with love.
Don’t: Ask them why they’re in a slump, tell them their attitude is annoying you, and get irritated with them consistently.
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3) You can love someone past their choices
Oftentimes when people hit a crisis, they struggle through the shadow work that it takes to heal. During this process, they sometimes do things that are out of character because they are trying to cope. As long as it is nothing abusive to you, you must allow them to purge this hurt from their system on their own.
The choices people make while in a crisis or emotional issue are not who they are, and you should be patient. They are still responsible for what they do, but it is imperative you not hold these things against them. You must have the compassion to know that these dumb choices are not who they are. Have faith in them that they will do better. And with your love, they probably will recover faster than they would otherwise.
Example:
Your partner is eating a tub of ice cream every night for two weeks.
Do: Tell them it is not a good choice without wavering but ultimately let it go because it’s not your choice.
Don’t: Talk about how bad of a person they are and how they’re going to gunk up their arteries and die.
Conclusion
You should by no means tolerate abuse, but if your partner is lashing out at you because of random things….
You have to take a step back and understand what’s going on before reacting and judging.
Of course, if your partner is continuously hurting you badly, bring it to their attention and ensure they genuinely apologize. But in most situations, your partner is just doing a lot of petty and immature actions representing their own inner turmoil. They are just bubbling over and being directed at you.
You have to realize that you cannot fix someone's inner self. They have to do this alone. You should be there for them, but you have to take a step back.
Spoiler Alert:
You are not the deciding factor in another person’s happiness.
All you can do is be patient, loving, and hope for the best. I know your love already means the world to them.
So pat yourself on the back too. You’re a trooper and you deserve it.
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